stephlurvsnate (stephlurvsnate) wrote in bigandbeautiful,

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I'm completely new to this whole online journal thing, but as anyone would do when meeting someone I will introduce myself.
Hello, my name is Stephanie, I'm 19 years old. I've been married to one of the greatest guys in the world since May of this year. I currently attend ITT Technical Institute in Nashville Tennessee, where I study multimedia two to three days a week. I'm suppose to graduate in 2006, however I am almost two quarters behind due to failing math I and math II. In October my husband and I are moving to Franklin. I'm a 3rd shift cashier at Walgreens also.

I'm definately not a small girl, my weight fluctuates from 200 - 220 depending on how i'm feeling in this particular part of the week, or month. I have C cups, and I hate them. Some days I think they are to small, others I think they are to big. However, no matter how much I put myself down, my husband is always there to tell me that i'm beautiful and no matter what he'll love me. While in my senior year of high school, I was pressured by my family to lose weight, and I starved myself from about 250 lbs to 210 lbs. I've tried everything to lose more weight but either I've hit a brick wall or I just gain it all back.

I've noticed that some of you girls complain about not being able to fit into clothes because the inseams are to short, or the stretchy material isn't right. Well, I hate to go shopping because of the mere fact that I always have to get a size that is to big, because that size that would normally fit me is somehow to tight, and they do not make odd sizes in clothing for bigger women. When I'm trying to shop I just get so frustrated because nothing will fit, or is way to big. In Febuary, my husband who was my boyfriend at the time asked me to go to Victoria's Secret with him, and just being in the store surrounded by girls stick thin and with beautiful curves just made me start to tear up. Everytime I see a girl at the size that I want to be I automatically think I look like crap compared to her. I refer to myself as the frump girl pretty much most of the time. I've given up on putting on make up and looking pretty because when I look in the mirror, I see something no one else sees, I see some grotesque and fat.....
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